When A Partner’s Or Spouse’s Abuse Is Invisible But Very Real
Attorney Mia Poppe has emerged as a leading commentator on invisible abuse, having released a docuseries on invisible abuse in June 2023 and having also written a book, Unbreaking Wonder Woman, coupled with many speaking engagements and video productions on the topic.
Virtually everyone is familiar with the concept of physical spousal abuse – what past generations of people called “wife beating,” among other terms. A battered spouse, according to the stereotypes, often ended up in emergency rooms and sometimes had injuries to hide from the world out of shame.
Yes, physical abuse by one’s spouse or partner is frightening and crushing to the soul. However, physical abuse is not the only type of domestic partner abuse that has that effect. Invisible abuse is also very real and prevalent in our world. Sometimes, it comes to a head when the abused spouse reaches the end of their rope. Other times, a crisis such as an extramarital affair, a disastrous gambling binge or impossible in-law problems bring the topic of divorce to the forefront. But, just as often, the invisible abuse may fester for a very long time.
At The Law Firm of Poppe & Associates, PLLC, clients find empathy along with solutions. Kamelia “Mia” Poppe, Esq., has a talent and passion for guiding sufferers of invisible abuse through the legal processes — usually divorce — that may lead to a newfound leash on life.
Have You Experienced Any Of These Types Of Ongoing Invisible Abuse By Your Wife, Husband Or Domestic Partner?
You are not alone, and help is available if your spouse or partner habitually abuses you in any combination of these common ways:
- Financial abuse: Has your spouse or partner squandered marital resources, cajoled you into giving up your inheritance, invested money belonging to both of you into a dead-end business startup or stopped paying household bills?
- Narcissistic abuse: Has your spouse continually cut you down to size or taken the side of in-laws or other opponents in your lives against you, leaving you feeling confused, betrayed or emotionally misunderstood?
- Emotional abuse: Does your spouse heap damaging emotions such as guilt, self-pity, insulting criticism or untreated serious depression into your household environment, leaving you feeling trapped and exhausted?
- Cognitive abuse: Do you find yourself in unwinnable arguments day after day, leading nowhere?
- Physical abuse: Does your spouse routinely deliberately cause you physical pain or distress that is invisible as it leaves no marks?
With Mia on your side, you will realize that you have a reliable, understanding ally who can provide the counsel and representation in divorce that you so desperately need.
Does Invisible Abuse Constitute Domestic Violence?
Invisible abuse encompasses behaviors that are psychologically manipulative and controlling, often without any physical violence. This type of abuse can indeed fall under the broader umbrella of domestic violence, depending on the nature and impact of the actions.
According to the New York Department of Health, domestic violence is defined as a pattern of coercive tactics, which can include psychological and economic control, social isolation, and other abusive behaviors used to maintain power and control over an intimate partner. While New York law does not label domestic violence as a standalone crime, many behaviors that constitute invisible abuse can lead to charges under various criminal statutes when they involve coercion, harassment or threats.
It’s important to recognize that invisible abuse, or intimate relationship abuse, is often hidden. Its covert nature makes it particularly dangerous as it can be more difficult to identify and prove compared to physical abuse. Often, invisible abuse eventually escalates to physical abuse, which is why it’s so important to protect yourself before it gets worse.
What Options Are Available For Stopping Invisible Abuse?
For those experiencing invisible abuse, there is hope. You have multiple options to put a stop to the abuse. It might be appropriate to file for an order of protection – a type of restraining order that can restrict your abuser’s ability to contact you and require them to maintain a certain distance from you. If your abuser physically harms you, harasses you or terrorizes you in a way that makes you fear for your safety, call the police and press charges. Criminal records documenting the abuse can go a long way toward protecting yourself and your children in family law proceedings. If you need a place to stay, reach out to a domestic violence shelter or other nonprofit agency that can provide support while shielding you from your abuser’s reach.
It’s also wise to seek counseling or therapy for yourself. A skilled therapist can help you unearth the factors that have led to or kept you in an abusive relationship. A therapist can help you sift through the steps you need to take to protect yourself and your children.
Whether or not you seek therapy, educate yourself about the cycle of abuse and common manipulation tactics – such as “love bombing” – that abusers use to keep you hooked. When you decide to leave your abusive partner, create a plan for where you will live, how you will support yourself, how you will recover your belongings and other aspects of establishing a new life for yourself. Leaving is often an incredibly dangerous time for victims of abuse, as it can trigger a violent response. Prioritize your safety above all else.
Mia and her team understand invisible abuse and the toll it takes. They will listen to you and believe you. They will provide support, guidance and unwavering advocacy through every step necessary to secure your freedom from abuse.
Contact Poppe & Associates In Manhattan
If you have suffered from invisible abuse by your spouse and now suspect that divorce is finally the only way forward, this decision can be a relief. A restraining order and other legal tools can help you move past the hardest part of the process, which, for many people, is simply getting started. It can be frightening to take the first steps, especially because abusers often ramp up abuse with a progression toward divorce.
Are you rightfully worried that your soon-to-be ex will come after you if you file for divorce or take other self-protective measures? Take to heart Mia’s answer to many intelligent, bewildered clients who have been the targets of invisible abuse: “Let me be your brave!” Start the conversation that you need to have with a caring, experienced attorney at this time by calling 646-665-3903 or sending an email message.
