When I left my role as a Senior Business Leader in Finance and Banking to build a law firm in New York City, I was making more than a career move—I was answering a calling. We all know the adage is true “If you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere.” But what is equally true is that New York City is a jungle… a concrete jungle, indeed. New York City demands resilience, vision, judgment, and grit. That same judgment is what I encourage you to exercise when you’re standing at a crossroads in your most intimate relationships and family dynamics.
Whether you’re reevaluating your partnership, seeking clarity, or preparing to take next steps, which may include leaving the relationship which once served a loving haven for you, you need more than just a lawyer. You need a strategic partner in strategy building, and in helping you to see and accept what now is your truth.
Here are ten tips that I invite you to consider when you are navigating a major relationship or family change:
- Get crystal clear on your desired outcomes.
Write down the 2–4 things that matter most to you—not just material things, but values. Is it peace? Stability for your children? A fresh start? When you’re grounded in your goals, you’re less likely to be shaken by the noise around you. - Educate yourself on the process that you are embarking.
Before any legal consultation, spend a few minutes researching your concerns. Look up questions like “how does custody work in New York?” or “do both partners have a right to stay in the home?” You won’t become an expert, but you’ll ask sharper questions and spot red flags faster. - Interview more than one attorney.
This isn’t about shopping—this is about alignment. Ask yourself:
(a) Do they hear me?
(b) Do I feel safe being honest with them?
(c) Are their fees transparent and fair?
(d) Do they have a team that supports the strategy, not just the paperwork? - Be honest about what you can not afford.
This is an investment in your future, and the greater danger lies in cutting corners. You cannot afford to compromise on the quality of representation or the strength of your support system. Ask about payment structures or retainers if needed—true empowerment comes from clarity. Above all, you cannot afford to go through this without the right person in your corner. - Check for testimonials, reviews and referrals.
Seek out authentic testimonials—the kind that sound lived, not scripted. Don’t hesitate to ask whether they can connect you (with permission) to a past client. A strong advocate will be proud of their track record, and their clients will be equally proud to share their experience. This is huge: don’t be afraid to ask to speak directly with clients they’ve represented. If a lawyer is truly delivering, they won’t mind at all. - Choose someone who lives and breathes, and is passionate about the practice of family and matrimonial law.
In a city as complex as New York, generalists can cost you more in the long run. You want someone who understands the courtroom culture, the judges, and the nuances of high-stakes family matters. - Keep your outcomes front and center.
Let them be your north star. In every conversation, every negotiation, ask: “Does this decision move me closer to the life I want to build?” - Don’t rush the decision.
Choosing legal counsel during a season of emotional upheaval can feel urgent. But urgency and wisdom are not the same. Take a beat. Sleep on it. Trust that the right decision will remain the right one tomorrow. - Bring support—with intention.
A trusted friend or advisor can offer perspective during consultations, but be aware: bringing someone into a legal discussion may affect confidentiality. Choose wisely. - Trust your intuition.
Above all else, trust your knowing. If you feel empowered, seen, and respected—lean in. If something feels off, even if you can’t quite name it—pause. Your inner voice is your greatest guide.