When you share minor children with your ex, custody exchanges can be a frequent source of tension and stress – for you, your co-parent and your children.
You’ve always prioritized your child’s needs and want to keep their transitions from your care to your co-parent’s care as smooth and stress-free as possible, your ex may not exactly be willing to do the same. What can you do about the situation? Here are some tips:
1. Be reliable and on time
Being on time shows respect for your co-parent’s time and gives your child a sense of routine. Late arrivals and abrupt changes in the schedule without good cause can lead to unnecessary tensions and resentments. If you absolutely cannot make the scheduled exchange for some reason, communicate with your co-parent immediately and apologize for the inconvenience.
2. Keep communication focused on business
The business of a custody exchange is centered around your child’s transition from one home to another, so do not address any grievances or unresolved issues. No matter what is going on beneath the surface, remain cordial. A simple, “Is there anything I should know?” is more than enough. If your co-parent tries to bring up any conflicts, simply say, “We need to table that for another time” and continue with the exchange as planned.
3. Have the essentials ready
Preemptively addressing any potential challenge switch the exchange can reduce the opportunity for conflicts. Make a list of everything your child needs for their stay with their other parent – including shoes, clothes, school supplies, medication and comfort items.
4. Be generous with your reassurances
Even if it’s difficult, stick a smile on your face and reassure your child that they’ll have a great time with their other parent and that you’ll be fine at home without them. Keeping an upbeat, positive attitude in front of your child makes them less likely to be distressed about the exchange – and that reduces the odds that your ex will accuse you of trying to poison your child’s mind against them.
5. Use a neutral location
Finally, hold the exchange in an open, neutral location – whether that’s outside your child’s school or daycare, a restaurant or a public park. A disgruntled ex may think twice about acting out when there are witnesses around. If necessary, consider bringing along a relative or a friend who can be trusted to remain a silent bystander to the exchange.
If your attempts to negotiate peaceful custody exchanges with your co-parent are not working, it may be time to seek legal intervention and explore additional options. It may even be possible to ask the court to order custody exchanges to take place at safe, supervised locations.
At The Law Firm of Poppe & Associates, PLLC, our focus is relentless advocacy for our clients. If you or someone you know is considering divorce, reach out to schedule a consultation at 646-665-3903 or by contacting us online.
Let Me Be Your Brave
Mia Poppe, Esq.
Managing Partner